Diary entry

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Somebody told her that she doesn’t like talking about certain things.It made her think.It could be true, as she tries not to remember the things which hurt at one point. Sometimes these things are people.She put them into a drawer,somewhere in the back, not to be forced to deal with them again…

She is  proof that what does not kill you makes you stronger.And she will tell you about the day she died. Or at least some parts of her.The romantic, the idealist,the altruist.She sees them in the photo album she flicks through,but the mirror reflects only their cynical counterpart, the nonbeliever, the tough  ,the cautious.

[…]She always knew that there would be no sun the day she dies. She was right.It was autumn.Cold,foggy.Windy. She  swears there were no colours,all seemed a scene in a black and white movie, back in the 20es. She was wearing grey and black. He, too. As in mourning.As they met on the hallways, the air was heavy with pain.She thought he wouldn’t come. He did.In the last moment. Five minutes before entering, he wanted to talk about making up.She took one look at his finger, where there was no wedding ring.And refused.He was so sure about the answer that he didn’t even have his papers on him….She waited in front of the judge until he went to get them.Her eyes filled as she was standing there.The documents got wet as she leaned and signed the divorce papers.She doesn’t remember how she got out of there.She remembers though that she probably looked devastated because he wanted to take her home and she said Which home?

Some things died in her that day.Things she was raised to believe in for 30 years.That marriage is forever and people are there to stay.That differences in culture, language, education,expectations can be overcome.That love is the happiness of the other.That two people can be on the same wavelength. Connected. Sexually and mentally.And people grow old together.As she was told, she probably reads too much and the imaginary world from her mind  should not be looked for in the real world.That she has to be happy with what she has.This was a quote.If it is so, then her mistake.And she’s paying for it every single day, as she remembers the only thing she did wrong in her life:her marriage.

4 responses »

  1. Irma the beautiful … I like it only because it’s such good writing. Otherwise I loathe it. Being ignorant of this now common aspect of marriage, I can only imagine that what happens is that the pair doesn’t knew each other well enough before joining. If you really know the person you love and it’s the same on the other side, this, I believe, won’t occur. But that’s probably nonsense: who knows what really goes on in some human hearts? For myself, I have known only what’s in mine and what was in my husband’s. But then, he was one in … an awful lot.

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